... And it hurts! A lot!
Just what kind of monster am I for hurting the fellings of my friends, friends? Some of them are XTheDarkCanidX (I made a very rude Mother Nature joke back when she used to be Pagan) and woodywoodpecker1941 (I harrassed her last year because I was so frustrated in real life, that after she said she didn't like Tom and Jerry (she lied) I snapped at her, but she did nothing wrong!). I apologised to them, I had to.
But yesterday I was mean to KingJulienFangal.
While I was at school today, I felt severely angry and was going to end friendship with everyone, but as soon as I came home, I cried.
Why does it have to be so easy to be a jerk... and so hard to be a nice person?
I'll remember some moments from my childhood...
I remember that when I was a little kid, I liked playing computer games way better than playing with the other kids. I remember how I kept calling one girl names until she began crying. When me and my parents went to visit our friends on a holiday or on someone's Birthday, I also prefered computer games over playing with their children, but I played with them anyway because they wanted me to play with them and because my parents reminded me that if I wanted to play computer games then I could've just stayed at home. At school, there was a girl in my class who was extremely cheerful, I called her a friend but in fact I insulted her a lot because she didn't seem too upset about that. Then there was another girl I was friends with... sort of... until I got fed up with her annoying behaviour, I even told her that she annoyed me and that's how our friendship ended. When I was 11-12, I called someone ugly online...
My parents got that computer to help me learn letters, numbers, counting, speaking and all that through semi-educational games. But as I grew older, I became addicted to it... Too addicted... I care about this machine more than about real people.. That's why I can be such a... such a... Agh! You got it. I swear, I felt better before I even got an account on this site than with a bunch of friends... or so they think they are to me... Even with so many people caring about me, supportive comments and gift art, I fear that I didn't become a better person at all...
I think I need to limit socialization.